I did it for her
by crunchberry
Summary: Spikes real reason for the egg sitting and how it happened.
1. I did it for her

Title: I did it for her  
  
Disclaimers: Joss owns everyone on BTVS except for occasionally letting me borrow Spike for alternate weekends to indulge in my fantasies. Though after As You Were, I think I better just keep him for awhile and cheer him up……. (Spike not Joss!!)  
  
Email: gbladlp@msn.com crunchberry  
  
Spoilers: Season 6 - Right after As You Were  
  
Premise –Spikes real reason for the egg sitting…S/B of course….  
  
Rating PG  
  
  
  
God I am such a Wanker.  
  
All my good intentions up in smoke – literally! Not that SHE would ever believe I had good intentions – but I did. Everything I do anymore is for HER. Fixing up the crypt – rugs, furniture and Pillows for Gods sake! All to make it feel more romantic when she comes over. Do you think cobwebs; gray stone and a dreary atmosphere lead to anything?? Hell no they don't. You need coziness and a bit of romance to get anywhere with the ladies. Even Dru needed it. Not that in a million years I would compare romancing Dru to romancing Buffy. Lets not even go there!  
  
And the candles! Do you know how many packs of cigarettes I have to give up just to buy all the bloody candles in this place? Does she even care that I spend hours trying to place the candles in just the right grouping? How many clearance sales I go to? They are bloody expensive! I even have gotten to watch the Home and Garden channel just to get decorating tips. What a sap I am.  
  
  
  
But seeing HER work at the Double Meat Palace has broken my heart. She looks so bloody tired and I haven't the heart to tell her how she smells coming out of that place. She has enough to worry about than offending my sense of smell. Not that any of her body parts or smells would ever offend me. Just being in her presence makes me feel so alive that I don't care if she smells like roasted garlic, she would still turn me on. Her eyes though look so forlorn and she almost has to drag herself through patrol every night. I have offered to patrol for her, but she declines. It's HER sacred duty and all. She would get so angry if she knew I followed her nightly to watch her back for her. She has been lucky these past weeks. Her carelessness so far has not gotten her killed. The thought of that keeps me hiding among the tombstones just in case….  
  
So what can I do to help? She won't let me in her life, won't admit to her Scooby's that anything is between us and that she is relying on me. Not that any of them have offered to help her out. Red is living in her house, eating her food and hasn't offered to pay a dime to her. When I brought it up, she just shrugged her shoulders and said that Willow had other problems to deal with and she didn't want to bother her.  
  
  
  
Her dad has all but disappeared off the planet. Not that HE ever cared anyway. Xapper and his pet demon are so wrapped up in their disastrous wedding planning they don't see her despair even though it's as plain as the bump on her nose!  
  
  
  
So it comes back to me. I told her I could get money. My job prospects aren't the best in the world though I will admit. I tend to keep night hours and I could just see doing up my resume.  
  
Education – graduated 1872, Victorian poetry.  
  
Skills: Killing, maiming, wreaking havoc, playing poker and now decorating crypts. I could give good ole Martha Stewart a run for her money. Speaking of a demon that has done well for her self!!  
  
Teeth had offered to hire me for extra muscle. But he pays in kittens and Buffy needs cash. Teeth just stares at me like I had grown horns out of my head when I told him I would rather have cash.  
  
  
  
Other option I thought about briefly was going to England and somehow intimidating the Council of Watchers into giving Buffy a salary for keeping the Hellmouth safe. Problem was the intimidation part and also leaving Buffy for a while. No way was I leaving her here to her own devices. Every time I turned around she was in some sort of scrape and needed saving. Not that SHE would ever admit that I actually was needed in her life. And no – not thinking of THAT part which she needed, wanted and craved. Well, to be honest, I want and crave it too. Worse every day. Probably the biggest reason I don't want to go to England. So that option can be thrown out the window.  
  
  
  
Another option is going to Peaches for help. Oh right, like I would EVER do that!! I could see me sauntering into his hotel and telling him that I came for money. (yeah – heard he got himself a hotel – what a wanker – but it does mean that he has some money somewhere.) Considering last time I saw him, I did not leave on the best of terms, I don't think I would get very far there. Even if I told him it was for Buffy, he wouldn't believe me. Buffy would never ask him herself. So that option goes out the window also.  
  
  
  
You know, I love being a vampire. Its much better than being a timid, pathetic poet. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are limits to this unlife. I have always just taken what I want. Well – not Buffy. Buffy took ME instead. Not complaining though. But in this case I can't just take what I want. I want Buffy's house and debts paid off and I just couldn't figure out a way in which I could do that.  
  
  
  
Then at the bar the other night, playing Pool with some Goreck demons (god talking about smelly – they can put the Doublemeat place to shame in that department!) heard about the Savolti demon coming to the Hellmouth and trying to find a place to spawn. They also said how those eggs could fetch loads of money on the black market to the right people. This of course was after I won 5 rounds of pool and they were suddenly out of money to pay me. They figured with my human contacts and my demon contacts, I might be the logical choice to be the go-between.  
  
  
  
My ears twitched at that. (They do that occasionally, even without invisible Buffy helping out). How much money are we talking about blokes? I asked. Loads and loads supposedly. Rare demon, on the extinct list but a lot of humans interested in them for some reason. Not that I care what they want with them, it's a way to help HER. We're talking enough to pay off the slayers house, get her out of that burger joint and even pay for Nibblets college. Spike to the rescue (yet again).  
  
  
  
I could just see her face when I showed up with the money and told her I actually worked for the money – hey you think egg sitting is going to be easy??? A weeks worth of work and then she can finally stop working at that grease trap. Maybe even money left over to actually take her out to a fancy restaurant and a movie. Yeah, I am thinking date here. Something normal for my girl. Of course she probably would have me drive to the next town for fear of anyone finding out, but I could live (well proverbially speaking at least) with that. Seeing her face smile and have the light back in her eyes would be worth anything. Even babysitting some dumb eggs for a week and selling them.  
  
  
  
I would need a code name though. Slayer comes in to Willy's often enough and might hear about this and she might not be happy. So I figured on the Doctor. Doctors fix things, and I am fixing her life. She asked me to. The one time she let me take her out drinking. I can hear her clear as day, you were supposed to fix my life! So now I have the means. Off to it then.  
  
  
  
But here I sit among the ruins of my crypt. The rugs that covered the floor are burnt to a crisp. No wrestling and playing under them anymore I gather. The bed, what is left of it at least, is not fit for a chaos demon to lay in. My liquor stash has been incinerated. The darkness of the cave walls pale though in comparison to where my heart should be. Its gone, all of it. Might as well take a walk out in the sunlight now. She would never believe I did it for her. All of it. Everything I do is for her. And she came here and ripped out my heart and the most unforgiving part of it is that I know she is right.  
  
  
  
I would love to say she will be back, she needs me but I know its not true. She needs her friends, the Nibblet and the light. She forgot that for a time, I was her light. But now she remembers. She walks in the light and I walk in the shadows. I will forever walk in the shadows, that is my nature. For the first time in my unlife, I wish I wasn't a vampire. Then maybe, just maybe we could have a chance. I could get a job at least and help her out the normal way. But now that is all over.  
  
  
  
I did it for Her.  
  
  
  
Feedback: PLEASE, with naked, whipped cream covered spikes on top. My first fiction but that episode has me so bummed. Please let me know what you think. 


	2. She called me William

**I did it for her**

**Chapter 2 – She called me William**

**Disclaimers:**  Joss owns everyone on Btvs., Angel.    Occasionally I kidnap Spike and take long hot soapy showers with him but eventually I return him so others can share…..

            Spike mulling over his un life and what to do now…..  Angsty but just in between piece till I can get buffy and him back together…..

**Rating:**  PG just to be safe…

**Spoilers:**  Up to and including **As you were** which I really didn't like.   

She called me William 

I just sit here with my head hanging.  Looking around and trying not to let the emotions overflow.  This comforter on the bed used to be gold.  Now its burnt chartreuse.  Its flaking off in my hands as I touch it.   I am fairly glad that we really never used the bed that much.  Otherwise I would store what's left of it away like I do everything else which reminds me of her.   She really left.  And she called me William.  

The tears come unbidden to my eyes.  The way she looked when she said that.  I am sorry, William.  She has only called me by my human name a couple times and those times as an insult.  This time it was like she was seeing the real me, behind the vampire.  I think there is hope.  I have to.  If there was no hope, I would of walked outside today and greeted the sun for the first time in 127 years.  But she saved my life again by saying that one word, William.  There is hope.  Maybe she sees the glimpse of myself as a human.  Luckily for me she has no idea how pathetic I truly was.   I look back on what I did as a human and I cringe.  Then again, I look back on what I have done as a vampire and I should cringe.  But I don't.  I like being a vampire, have told her so on numerous occasions.  

Oh sod it all.  That's the crux of the problem.  I don't regret being a vampire.  I don't regret all the fun, mayhem and killing I did.  Do I miss it?  Yeah, sometimes.  That's a big improvement over three years ago.  Three years ago I would of done ANYTHING to get this chip out of my head and get back to the killing.  Now, I am not so sure.  I miss being able to hit back.  Human blood is definitely better than the butchers blood.  The thrill of the hunt, my fangs piercing the jugular and the life force just oozing down my throat.  Its like Godiva Chocolate only a hundred times better.  But hanging around these humans for the past three years has shown me they are more than just walking happy meals with legs as I used to call 'em.  They are people, friends, and actually family.  Well, the Nibblet is family at least.  God, I am getting morose here.  I don't even know if I want the chip out anymore.  Having the chip has made me part of her world.  Chipless, I would be another soulless vampire that just needed to be staked.  I will take the chip for 100$.  God I watch too much bloody television!

I need a plan.  Not like my last plan.  That kind of blew up in my face, literally.  I should of known something that sounded that easy for lots of cash had to have a hitch in it.  The biggest hitch being soldier boy coming into the place and looking for them.  And not only finding them but finding THEM.  Can't do anything bloody right anymore.  Then I go off at the mouth trying to distract him and really muck things up worse. Bullocks, I can't even sink a corpse correctly in the river and I thought that I could baby-sit a dozen demon eggs for a week?  How was I supposed to know I was supposed to freeze 'em?  Captain Cardboard must have had the instruction manual.  Hell, the mother or whatever it was just told me to keep 'em dry.  Well, so much for the easy way.

Now what to do about Buffy?   Oh, and the small matter of my crypt.  I am getting bloody tired of people barging in without knocking day and night.  Need someplace with a sodding key.  Maybe move into the Mansion?  Nobody has been living there since Peaches left.  Trouble is, I don't want to remind Buffy of anything to do with that Poofter.  He is long gone and I want to keep it that way.  Well for now I am down to an efficiency crypt instead of a duplex.  I have lived in worse and have bigger problems to solve.

Now what to do about Buffy?   She still needs money.  She still wants me.  I want her, love her, and obsess about her.  But she is right, we weren't going in the right direction.  Fighting and Shagging, shagging and fighting.  We had more conversation in one evening before we started shagging than we have had in the past couple months.  I miss our nightly talks.  She was really opening up and letting me in.  Now she lets me in another way but shut me out otherwise.  Can't win can I? 

 And she needs a future.  I can give it to her (as soon as I figure out how)  she just doesn't realize it yet.  No one else would love her as completely and utterly as I do.  I know all of her faults, her dreams and we spark like a raging inferno when we are together.  I would never leave her.  She must realize that by now?

The wedding is coming up.  Have to cancel the tux rental since the money is not going to be forthcoming.  How do I get Buffy to realize what we have?  Will have to think about this one.  Thinking is good at Willy's. Need to replenish my liquor supply anyway and those Goreck demons owe me a bit of money from those Pool games. Or I could check out Clems place and see if he wants to go in on a game of poker.   

Anything is better than sitting here on a burnt out bed and being miserable.  Off to Willy's it is then.  Maybe a demon or two will be available for a spot of violence tonight.  I can pretend its crew cut that I am killing.  

At least he left.  Wonder why?  I wouldn't have given up so easily.  I still am not giving up.   She called me William didn't she?

**Feedback**:  always.  Still finishing up my chapter 5 and six to Chains of Darkness – and this kindof came up.   Kindof have another chapter in my head to continue this on (remember the date he brings to the wedding?) – but don't know if anyone is interested since season 7 ending upon us…   UGHHH.  


End file.
